In Defense of Cunt

I love swearing. Actually, wait, no. I don't love swearing. I love using my entire vocabulary however the fuck I see fit and you can blow me if my choice of words offends your delicate sensibilities. When I was little swearing was not permissible for a child. My parents swore and I was around swearing, but I knew that I wasn't allowed to say "naughty words." Then I turned 18 and the proverbial motherfucking flood gates opened. You see, my parents never said swearing was "bad," it was just something that I wasn't allowed to do until I knew what exactly it the words I used meant. To them, calling someone a "butt" and an "ass" were the same thing. And it didn't make sense that saying "go have sexual intercourse with yourself" was perfectly acceptable, while "go fuck yourself," (which means the exact same thing) was not.

When I was in 4th grade I was reading at a college level, so have no doubts about my ability to manipulate and understand the English language. I grew up in a household that cherished reading and imagination and expected hard work in school. Words have always been important to my understanding of the world, and I have yet to be convinced that some words are more acceptable to use than others. Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to be a vastly shared opinion. The best example of this word warfare is the beautiful word: cunt. Even as I wrote this post, my computer refused to acknowledge cunt as a word. It recognized fuck and bitch, but not cunt.

For me, there was never a swearing hierarchy. There weren't any words that were more or less impactful or hilarious than other words (slurs being the big fucking exception; that shit's not funny). Choosing to refer to someone as an ass clown or a fuck nugget had equal value and emphasis. Then I discovered that not everyone felt this way, in fact, most people didn't. This was particularly evident whenever I would use the word cunt, or any of its variations (cunty, cuntish, cuntier). People would visibly cringe if this four letter word ever escaped my lips (pun intended). People would respond with, "that's such a horrible word!" or "I can't believe you said that." I would respond with, "why not?" I refer to all people, regardless of perceived or actual gender and/or sexuality by the various types of human genitalia (sometimes animal if they are being particularly fucking twatty). The most macho of all men can be a floppy vagina. The most demure of all women can be a enormous ball sack. Someone who identified as neither can be an enflamed asshole. I'm an equal opportunity jackass.

So what, exactly, makes cunt so awful an utterance? Is it because the mere concept of the vagina is historically viewed as dangerous, mysterious, and confusing? Perhaps it's because penises are funny and vaginas aren't? This has to be true because I see a surprising amount of men drawing dicks on absolutely every solid surface available. Vaginas are hard to draw. Why is it that twat is the watered-down version of cunt and it considered minimally offensive, rather than the beginning of WWIII?

Why?

Because it is all some serious motherfucking bullshit. 

Cunt is funny. Cunt is no better or worse than all other swear words. When I say "cunt" I mean no more offense than if I called you a "fuck" or a "overflowing cum dumpster." My choice of words depends on two things: how funny it is in context and how uncomfortable I want to make the person in question (calcification: the value is equal to me, although I realize it is not equal to others).

You can all go on referring to others as "axe wounds," "see you next Tuesday's," or "c-words." I'm going to go ahead and use words like an educated adult and call everyone who deserves to be called a cunt, a cunt. I am responsible for what I say, I am not responsible for how you respond.