Resting Bitch Face

I am sure that by this time you have all heard of "resting bitch face." It's a term used to describe the most confident and beautiful of all women (ex: me) Our standard facial expression looks like we were either just the recipients of a surprise enema or preparing to metaphorically or literally rip someone's throat out of their neck.

The standard resting bitch face can be identified through two primary qualities. The first quality is observed in the lips and mouth. The mouth is relaxed, but closed, resulting in slightly downturned edges. The second identifier is the eyes. The eyes are also relaxed, generally looking straight forward, presumably focused (although in actuality they may be entirely unfocused), and the lids are slightly slacked, but not droopy. One additional variable is the eyebrows. Occasionally a resting bitch face can come with either a delicately furrowed brow or an incredulously lifted arch. The overall expression is blank or vacant, but perceived as irritated or annoyed.

Individuals who encounter someone with resting bitch face tend to think that something is wrong, she is mad, or someone just farted. It's none of those things. It is literally nothing. Nothing. This is just how my face looks when I am not currently emoting or outwardly expressing anything. So, when you ask me, "what are you so mad about?" you are essentially saying, "you have an angry face." That's pretty rude. It's not okay for me to tell someone their face is ugly and makes me want to vomit. I get called on the carpet if I tell someone they look like a lemur or the Hulk.

There is nothing more insulting than telling me that being focused or relaxed is unbecoming of me. My face is fucking flawless and your observations speaks more poorly of you than it does of me. Asshole.