Breadcrumbs

Currently listening to: "Rebel Yell" by Billy Idol

Yesterday evening I found myself engaging in a passionate dialogue about the delicate and highly orchestrated dance that is mutual attraction. How pretentious did that last sentence just sound? I toyed around with the implications of this conversation well after each party had said their final arguments and decided that it was extremely important for me to express my opinions on my blog because every single one of you is extremely interested in what I have to say.

Context: A male staff member was describing his preferences for women expressing their interest in him. This was expertly illustrated via bread based metaphor (all metaphors should be carbs). According to his metaphor, women shouldn't be clear in their intentions in regards to their potential attraction to men (insert gender preferred nouns and pronouns as you see fit). He explained that they should leave a trail of breadcrumbs between interactions to insinuate their interest, but not blatantly express it. Maybe a  text on Monday, no communication again until Thursday, cancelled plans on Saturday, followed by a casual coffee meet-up on Sunday. Regardless of how interested the female is in the male, she isn't supposed to be clear about her feelings. In other words, she is supposed to play a "game."

This conversation continued over many days and saw many renditions and means of expressing the same idea. All expressions were weak and nonsensical.

Now, for my perspective. That paragraph above is straight up B-u-l-l-s-h-i-t, with a capital B. I can't help but find it absolutely absurd for anyone to conceal their feelings. If I have an attraction to someone, I am certainly willing and capable to express that. This means I don't time my eye contact or obey guidelines about how many days must pass before engaging in technological communication. I don't tally how many of their jokes I will laugh at or how many statements I will ignore. For the most part, I stopped that approach at my last middle school dance.

Caveat: I suppose it is important to offer up one minor detail that makes my case slightly different. I am #blessed with the capacity to hate everyone. Generally, my interest in people fades quite quickly and it may seem as though I am taking Approach 1 instead of Approach 2. I'm not. In reality, I have probably already stated my case and moved on, lost interest, or decided that this individual is not an anomaly and I do, in fact, actually hate them.

So what does this all amount to? Discussing this topic made me realize how much I hate the absolutely fucked up idea that playing coy, manipulating someone else's emotions, and/or disguising intentions is somehow cute, endearing, or mysterious. No. It's dumb, annoying, and juvenile. It's also a huge waste of time and I've got important shit to do, like eat mozzarella sticks and take naps.

Keep in mind this isn't me giving dating advice. Relationships make me feel uncomfortable and people are just the worst parasite this earth has ever seen. I'm am probably the last person outside of Jeffrey Dahmer who should be giving any sort of input on how to interact with others, especially when there is romantic intent.

Here is my plea to everyone: stop be annoying little twats. Say what you feel. Don't apologize for being honest. Don't play fucking games. Be real. Text after one day or one week, whatever feels right. Have safe sex. Wear a jacket. Call your mother. Use your turn signal. Get 8 hours of sleep. Compliment Leah all the time.

This post made me feel like Carrie Bradshaw, but then I realized I don't look like a horse and I am not helpless. Fancy that.