Leggings Aren't Pants

Currently listening to: Black Keys, "Keep Me"

It's fall, which means every White Girl within a 100 mile radius is reading this with her Pumpkin Spice latte in hand, her Northface zipped up tight, and her cotton leggings cutting off circulation to the lower half of her body. It's an easy picture to paint because it is so god damn true. Additionally, the target is so easy (read in to that how you will).

Now, for those of you who have observed my existence, I am, in fact, a white girl. You will notice that I am referring to two different types of people: White Girls and white girls. White Girls are clones (probably cyborgs, too) that are essentially interchangeable with one and other. They enjoy the same, very mundane things, share a limited vocabulary, and are easy to spot. You are probably within 20 feet of one right now. The other type, white girls, are less run-of-the-mill. We are definitionally white, caucasian, or translucent (like me!). We don't necessarily fit an uber-annoying social mold and are less likely to be cyborgs (maybe). All White Girls are white girls, but not all white girls are White Girls. Get it? Moving on.

I find White Girls just as annoying as the next person, but I also find everyone very very annoying in their own right, so why discriminate? These next few paragraphs may seem like they are in defense of White Girls everywhere; it is not. I am simply providing my commentary on one of the three points of the White Girl Trifecta: leggings.

Leggings get so much hate unless you have a perfect ass. Legging opposers (read: terrorists) hang relentlessly on the saying, "leggings aren't pants!" Which is weird because it's true. Leggings aren't pants. Shorts aren't pants. Dresses aren't pants. Skirts aren't pants. Tights aren't pants. Crocodiles aren't pants. Boxes of chocolates aren't pants. People aren't pants (unless this is some Silence of the Lambs shit). So many things aren't pants. Pants are not a vital component of the average clothing outfit. Pants are pants. Lay off.

That said, there is a big ol' caveat here. Huge. Impossible to miss. Frequently, leggings are not entirely opaque. Most leggings are made of thin, dark cotton, that when stretched mercilessly across one's bum, become rather see-through. Now, that doesn't mean you can't wear them however you want, you should just be aware that cute underwear are going to be very important at this point.

Leggings are probably one of the most comfortable and forgiving articles of clothing that has ever been mass produced. They allow for maximum warmth, laziness, and chicness, at a low, low price. But leggings aren't pants, and that's okay. Not everything can be pants. Because leggings aren't pants, they lack opacity and as a result, can be an indicator of your grooming habits. I'm just trying to helpful here.

Leggings are for the people. Viva la leggings!