Snowy Bliss

I haven't blogged in a few months simply because I had run out of things to complain about. I'm not entirely sure how that is possible because on a daily basis 90% of my spoken vocabulary and 100% of my facial expressions are directly associated with things that piss me off. My last post seems to have been at the beginning of August and was all about how much I hate summer, therefore, it would seem quite appropriate that my first out-of-hiatus post be about how winter is infinitely more tolerable than its seasonal counterpart.

• Winter is all about being cozy, and that opportunity presents itself in many forms. First and most importantly, there is the option of clothing. There is a very strict and distinct limit to how much of my body I can expose in order to alleviate temperature discomfort in the summer. In the winter, though, the limit does not exist and I can put on infinite layers until my spine collapses underneath the weight of fuzzy sweaters. Additionally, winter clothes are far more attractive than summer clothes. The fabrics are better quality, the colors are more appealing, and there is more to cover. In summer its all about nylon, spandex, sweat stains, and pretending your shorts aren't lodged in your colon.
• During the winter everyone is cold and wants to minimize the amount of time they are exposed to wind, snow, ice, sleet, and otherwise aggressively low temperatures. I find this particularly satisfying because it also minimizes anyone's inclination to stop and talk with me. I can gleefully ignore others and not feel the least bit of remorse, as our conversation avoidance is really doing them a favor. 
• Honestly, that last point is so important to me that it should also be recognized in this point.
• My makeup prowess isn't questioned in the winter as it is in the summer. In the summer my makeup melts off my face like some sort of Barbie meets Easy Bake Oven experiment. In the winter my makeup is frozen to my face, maintaining its integrity.
• Winter food is fucking amazing. There are so many cold weather holidays to celebrate and no one cares if you get fat, they only care that you are slightly more corpulent than them. First we start with Halloween and its surplus of boss ass candy. Then we wobble into Thanksgiving which is a celebration of comfort food (except pumpkin pie because that shit is nasty and should be banned). Then we roll right in to Christmas which is basically Thanksgiving Part 2 with Presents. Finally, we cap it off with New Years Eve which is the birthday party for hors d'oeuvres. And every other day in between is intended to be filled with creamy soups, sugary baked goods, and anything else that will expedite your pending cardiac arrest. 
• Perhaps one of my favorite parts of winter is the extended darkness and overall dreariness. I love lying in bed all day without pants and void of all human interaction. No one expects me to participate in social niceties like they do in the summer.