To give some relevant context to this story, it is important to note that I am particularly devoted to the Instagram makeup community. Makeup is my primary hobby and Instagram is the ideal social media channel to learn about new products and techniques. Rat Von P has two popular accounts on Instagram: one for her personal self and the other for her professional makeup brand. I have always found Von P to be rather desperate and annoying. She seems like one of those women who heavily relies on the phrases "I prefer to hang out with guys" and "I'm not like most girls." I briefly followed her personal account but found it just about as unfulfilling as her actual life might be. I maintained a connection to her professional brand account because her makeup truly is phenomenal. Whichever chemists she hired to curate her products and then pretend she had a role in their creation are very talented.
During a lapse in new product releases the account began to post boring stock photos with pedantic and uninspiring Von P quotes on them. Imagine a photo of a black and white rose with the words "I think oxygen is important" off center, or an abstract shot of shattered glass with the text "the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." These are not the actual quotes but a sample of the caliber of statements that would be attributed to Von P. Her thousands of followers would practically wet themselves over the sublime brilliance of her perspective on existence and humanity. One day, after being plagued with far too many of these posts, I commented on one of the photos saying the account should knock it off because these photos were self-serving and irrelevant to the brand. A few hours later I received a reply from the moderators of the account (not Von P herself) stating that the unfollow button was in the upper right corner and I should use it. Duh. The "duh" was their touch, not mine. Feeling as though the response was disproportionate to the comment, I replied stating that I found their remark rude. I was promptly informed that they were going to block me, and they did.
Later that evening I noticed that Von P was relatively active on Twitter so I decided to see if I could draw her attention to the rude behavior. After a series of five or so tweets directed at Von P regarding the incident, she took notice and engaged in what I like to refer to as the most unnecessary pissing match to have ever occurred. Von P remarked that "you are the one my moderators told me about" and that she didn't need my negativity or want me to purchase her makeup. Now, employing my favorite tactic to piss people off is remaining calm and composed, dangerously docile in comparison to their palpable anger, I cooly explained that her synopsis of the situation was rather reductive and inaccurate. I rarely encounter a "fight" worth participating in so I quite enjoy the art of gradual provocation disguised as genuine communication and understanding for the sake of eliciting an absurd and embarrassing response from the other party. Sure, it doesn't lead to resolve but it teaches others to never, ever, fuck with me.
Von P finally wrapped up her angry tweets moments before I blocked her as the exchange was not gainful. To this day she is the only person I have blocked on social media. After her display of misplaced anger, I revisited her page to find she was still tweeting about me, as she could no longer tweet at me. Need I remind you this all began because of my perceived negativity...
Moral of the story: D-list celebrities have very fragile egos that malfunction when their irrelevant attitudes are addressed publicly. Therefore, you should always tap on the proverbial glass and see how long it takes for a social media meltdown to occur. In this case it was less than 8 hours.
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