I sincerely don't apologize for my recent hiatus. I quit my old job and have since moved to a new town and new job and entertaining you wasn't one of my top priorities, you fucking savages. What has inspired me to come out of hiding, just like a post-2007 Britney Spears, is the recent trophy kill of Cecil the Lion. If any of you know me personally, which based on my readership statistics is a lot of you, I am pretty invested in animal rights. I have been a vegetarian for 12 years, volunteered for four years at an animal shelter for special needs critters, and currently shower my 10 year old asshole cat (Wilma Jean) with poorly received attention and admiration. I have broken a remote control when attempting to divert my attention from those sad-as-fuck ASPCA commercials. I have advocated for movies to have "fictional animal cruelty" disclaimers because if a dog dies in a movie I have to sacrifice my emotional well-being for the next 24 hours. I take insects outside instead of smashing them under my shoe. People suck, but animals don't. That said, it is pretty evident that this whole Cecil the Lion incident has been emotionally rousing. But this isn't about Cecil, this is about the absurd ego-stroking hobby that is trophy hunting.
Now, I'm not exactly a fan of any type of hunting that isn't exclusively for survival. In the 21st century it is absolutely unnecessary, but I'm not here to argue with you about that because I don't give two and a half fucks about your contrary opinion. I'm choosing to pick on exotic animal trophy hunts specifically because there is a solid consensus that it is fucking deplorable.
If you aren't familiar with Cecil the Lion, which is seemingly impossible unless you literally only use the internet to read my blog (as you should), I will educate you. Rich ass Minnesota dentist goes to Zimbabwe. Dentist and guides wound lion with a bow. Dentist and guards track lion for 40 hours. Lion is lured out of protected land and killed, beheaded, and skinned. Internet flips the fuck out. Dentist goes back to U.S. and into hiding because people are p-i-s-s-e-d. Zimbabwe government leaders call for the extradition of dentist to stand trial. Dentist has previously been charged for poaching activities. Now you're all caught up. I should also say that this post has nothing really to do with the aforementioned dentist or any other specific trophy hunters (like Donald Trump's smug ass son). It has to do with the absurd fucking practice in and of itself.
I have a hard time comprehending exactly how someone can look at something like a lion, jaguar, elephant, rhino and be like, "I'm gon' kill that, mhm." Humanity has done a pretty stellar job at desecrating the earth, and now it's like we are on some sort of special achievement mission to single-handedly kill the shit out of everything else. Furthermore, it's some sort of weird ass honor to chop these creatures' heads off and display in your living rooms. Like, "it's so beautiful, let me murder that." That is how you should feel about cheese plate, bread bowl, or medley of pies, not a god damn endangered animal you shit bird.
Some are quick to argue that such activities bring much needed money in to these various countries' economies. You know what else is good for the economy? Literally any other tourist activities. There is also the sentiment that these hunts weed out ill or old animals from the herd and make the herd stronger. That would be a pretty strong argument if this was some sort of Mad Max survivalist dystopia wasteland. Animals, if you weren't aware, have been pretty damn successful at managing their own business before and without human intervention. You are bad at having opinions.
Ugh, humanity, I just really need you to stop being a bunch of turds.
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