Social Pariah Status

I think I am finally prepared to bring you what is arguably my most controversial topic of all time. It has been a long time coming and I have waited anxiously for the opportunity to share my thoughts with you. I worry that I may need to go in to hiding for disclosing my thoughts, but I can't hold my tongue any more. I feel like a fraud hiding behind my scathing and bitter commentary without addressing this growing concern. It is time for me to throw caution to the wind and express what has been weighing so heavily on my mind for so long.

Beyonce fucking sucks.

So. Much.

It is next to impossible for me to fully articulate my feelings on this topic because I don't have the proper outlets to regularly shed my negative feelings about "Bey." Every time I broach the subject I am shot down by her loyal followers, drones, workers "beys." My disdain has turned me in to a virtual pariah, practically instigating a modern day witch hunt. I don't have a following of loyal supporters. My views are simply my own and I can no longer keep them shrouded in the depths of my mind for fear of social suicide.

There are a handful of light criticisms of Beyonce, most of them related to her contradictory feminist statements and behaviors, her lavish life style, suspicious ties to the Illuminati, her relationship with biped parasites Kim and Kanye, and her piss poor Photoshopping abilities on Instagram. My condemnation of Beyonce is directly rooted in my inability to understand any merits of her popularity. 

Beyonce is arguably one of the most popular and highest earning pop stars of the current millennium. I could back this up with numbers but am too lazy to Google her net worth. I don't want my computer getting the idea that I have any personal investment in her Forbes ranking. While most celebrities are void of any modicum of talent, I can at least understand a fraction of their marketability to the masses. In my experience, Beyonce offers nothing but really poorly timed photo opportunities. 

Photo credit: News Asylum

Beyonce is a mediocre signer, a mediocre performer, she lacks any interesting controversy, her music isn't catchy, and she is vacant of personality. Yet, somehow, everyone is so far up her asshole they are putting their money directly in her back pocket. I am so confused by her popularity that the previous sentence doesn't make any fucking sense. I am entirely unable to understand what makes her so god damn interesting to the 6.2 billion people in the world. I doubt I will ever understand the appeal unless the world takes a turn for Clockwork Orange-esque reparative therapy. Beyonce is truly the epitome of overrated. Furthermore, there is no way she was ever actually pregnant with Navy Vine or Cobalt Plant, whatever the fuck its name is.