Before I go any deeper I find it absolutely vital that I qualify what I consider to be the measurement of my patience. In all honesty, I am not an angry person. Very rarely do I find myself miffed or Hulk-smash pissed. Usually if I am angry I am in a mess of rage-tears because I can't control my emotions and everyone sucks. It genuinely takes a lot to send me over the edge. That said, I am almost always irritated. Without a smidge of hyperbole, my resting state is generally somewhere between, "wow, you are fucking insufferable" to "natural selection missed you and that disappoints me." I wouldn't dare say this is a bad thing as it provides me with a source of witty, albeit wicked, commentary and a solid reason to never socialize with anyone out of a sense of "obligation." Side note: I hate the idea of obligation. I'm not obligated to do jack shit so fuck right off. Anyway, I am just in a constant element of wondering why the decision making skills of everyone around me leaves so much to be desired and why I, of all people, was burdened with bearing witness.
The most broad category of that which tests my ability to remain willfully non-violent is the infinite arena of stupid questions. Any person who ever said "there is no such thing as a stupid question" is the reason the phrase was created. I can, without the slightest degree of hesitation, assure you that there are such things as stupid questions. In fact, I would even argue that stupid questions are notably more common than questions that are worth their weight in expression and contemplation.
Before asking me a question, consider the following: is this information readily available elsewhere, perhaps Google, the biggest search engine humanity has ever seen? Have I already provided the answer to this question? Do you actually need an answer to this question or is this your piss poor attempt at small talk? Is someone currently on fire? Will someone be on fire in the near future? Are you on fire?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions then your social and emergency response skills are severely stunted and you should not, in fact, ask me the question.
Similar to questions, there is small talk. Good god I fucking hate small talk. I do not care about the weather. I do not care about your hell spawn. I don't care about what you did over the weekend. I don't care about your plans to sacrifice virgins. I don't care about your current state of indigestion or what item from the Taco Bell dollar menu caused it. I do not care about your opinion on a highly charged social and/or political topic that you have no substantial or relevant educational background in.
What is so uncomfortable about silence? Why is it impossible to allow a standard greeting to be nothing more than a "hello?" If being within friendly proximity to another person makes you physically unable to refrain from filling the air with idle conversation that literally neither party is invested in, then you may want to reconsider your place and purpose in the social stratosphere.
Take those last two points and put them together and you have my next aggression generating behavior. I absolutely abhor when others try to reel me in to a conversation through a leading question or statement that essentially requires some sort of calculated response on my behalf. Examples of this include, but are not limited to: What are you doing on Saturday from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m.? He is not on my good side after this weekend. Or, my personal favorite, a long and audible sigh that indicates frustration, disdain, and a hapless need for my validation. If you really desire some sort of interaction with me, and hopefully you don't, this is not the way to go about it. I know what you are doing and I will ignore you and make you uncomfortably rethink your methods of interaction. I will shame you without uttering a single syllable. Once again, I am under no obligation to soothe your ego or inquire about how many times your baby shit his pants this weekend. Move along and invest your efforts elsewhere. Your attempts to interact with me will be rejected, mocked, and leave you feeling like you just poured salt in a papercut you didn't know you had.
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